Finding your light through the darkness

Eleven years ago today, I had my second miscarriage. It’s funny how certain dates stick in your mind. It was fairly painless, very disappointing but I was back at work two weeks later. ⠀

It was nowhere near as physically or emotionally painful as the first one a year before. That miscarriage happened over the duration of a weekend at home, my 12 weeks scan was due on the Tuesday. ⠀

I lost my job a few weeks later, I felt like I’d lost my identity, my purpose. I didn’t bother getting dressed anymore and struggled to leave the house in the first few months. I would have vivid flashbacks whenever I went into my bathroom or looked at my bed, my home was my haven and my nightmare. ⠀

I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD and Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and I remember clearly what support was and wasn’t available. This was the beginning of my journey to find a way to help and rebuild myself. And I succeeded. ⠀

I am happy, I am fulfilled, and I found my purpose. Did I ever have a baby? No I didn’t. For years I yearned for one, I always thought that was my purpose but it wasn't.

Everything I have been through, everything I have learned and all the techniques I used on myself, I realise have become my purpose to help others. With their pain, their anxiety, their lack of self worth, for whatever reason. I actually have true gratitude for all I have experienced.⠀

If you are not in a good place right now, this post is for you. It can and will get better. Do not lose hope beautiful one, there really is happiness on the other side even though it may not feel like that right now. Your story will bring hope to others and it may shine light on your purpose too.

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